When my kids were still attending a public elementary school, I used to chaperone their field trips and volunteer at recess at least once a week. On the one hand, I felt the urge to help out and fulfill my duty to the school; on the other, I wanted to spend more time with my kids and see what it was like for them to be at school.
My two children are both neurodivergent: my eldest has autism and ADHD, and my youngest is dyslexic. Additionally, both are profoundly gifted and come from a bicultural family. They deviate from the peer group norm along not just one, not even two, but three axes: giftedness, special needs, and cultural diversity. They are not just twice-exceptional or 2e (Baum et al., 2017), but rather thrice-exceptional or 3e (Davis & Robinson, 2018). This, unfortunately, makes them perfect targets of bullying (Horowitz et al., 2004; Peterson & Ray, 2006; Ronksley-Pavia et al., 2019; StopBullying.gov, 2024; Whitney et al., 1994), and I witnessed this firsthand.
One day, during my volunteer shift, I watched my son pace as usual along the lunch tables, deep in thought – probably contemplating something related to either the Big Bang or black holes – when another boy from his class ran to my son and screamed in his face, “Are you a class clown?” The boy laughed, and all the kids around him started laughing too, repeating the phrase again and again. Frankly, I did not know how to react or what to do. I don’t think I even realized at that moment that it was bullying. What I could see, though, was that my son kept pacing and did not seem to pay any attention to what was going on around him. To this day, I wonder if he ever noticed. It seemed he didn’t, and I believe his lack of awareness—perhaps a symptom of his autism—shielded him from the potential trauma of that bullying incident.
I once watched my daughter try to join a game with a group of girls. They rejected her because she usually preferred playing with boys. These were first graders, just six or seven years old, already forming cliques!
The most disturbing incident happened when one of my daughter’s classmates, a girl from a low-income family, was punished for being disruptive. The teacher made the other students chant, “Thank you for wasting our time!” Instead of showing empathy, comforting the child, and trying to understand her behavior, the teacher resorted to judgment and shame. This taught the other children that this kind of response was acceptable.
My kids switched to homeschooling soon after. The homeschooling community in our area is incredibly welcoming to all kinds of kids and families, creating a safe and accepting space for them to be themselves and be appreciated for who they are. Our homeschooling community offers opportunities for developing personal intelligence, which is essential for nurturing resilience against challenges like bullying. Both kids attend a nature program, where, together with other kids of all ages, they spend the day in the woods, hiking, playing active games, and engaging in board and role-playing games, practicing survival skills, creating crafts, and learning how to empathize, encourage, and regulate themselves. They both volunteer in the local community, writing postcards to voters. This helps them develop a sense of belonging and teaches them they can make a difference. My daughter channels her feelings and imagination through art and creative writing and builds her confidence and self-acceptance through improv and theater.
For me personally, though, the most precious moments are those spent reading and discussing books such as Raquel Palacio’s Wonder together. By helping my son and daughter identify with characters who might be struggling in similar ways, I hope to encourage them to see that, no matter what, they are strong enough to overcome their emotions and take pride in staying true to themselves and others.
References
Baum, S. M., Schader, R., & Owen, S. V. (2017). To be gifted and learning disabled: Strength-based strategies for helping twice-exceptional students with LD, ADHD, ASD, and more (3rd edition). Routledge.
Davis, J. L., & Robinson, S. A. (2018). Being 3e, a new look at culturally diverse gifted learners with exceptional conditions: An examination of the issues and solutions for educators and families. In S. B. Kaufman (Ed.), Twice exceptional: Supporting and educating bright and creative students with learning difficulties (1st ed., pp. 278–289). Oxford University Press.
Horowitz, J. A., Vessey, J. A., Carlson, K. L., Bradley, J. F., Montoya, C, McCullough, B., & David, J. (2004). Teasing and bullying experiences of middle school students. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 10(4), 165-172.
Peterson, J. S., & Ray, K. E. (2006). Bullying among the gifted: The subjective experience. Gifted Child Quarterly, 50, 252–273. https://doi.org/10.1177/001698620605000305
Ronksley-Pavia, M., Grootenboer, P., & Pendergast, D. (2019). Bullying and the unique experiences of twice exceptional learners: Student perspective narratives. Gifted Child Today, 42(1), 19-35. https://doi.org/10.1177/1076217518804856
StopBullying.gov. (2024). What is bullying? Retrieved from https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/what-is-bullying
Whitney, I., Smith, P K., & Thompson, D. (1994). Bullying and children with special educational needs. In P. K. Smith & S. Sharp (Eds.), School bullying: Insights and perspectives (pp. 213-240). London: Routledge.
